I know I usually do book reviews but this piece about Robertson’s latest gaffe is too good not to post. It has some literary references, after all. Plus both Luther and Lewis commend mockery to push back the Devil. Sorry about the biting ending. What do you think?
Published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune:
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press,
so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean
bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is
totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The
way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with
people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty,
talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have
nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of
banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of
thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against
it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work,
Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re
making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God.
That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to
renegotiate your own contract.